Ugh!!'s Greymatter Honeypot » humour http://www.u-g-h.com Distracting the Mind with Information Overload Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:39:10 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Killer combination: Catchy lyrics & a touch of humour! http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/12/11/killer-combination-viral-seo/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/12/11/killer-combination-viral-seo/#comments Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:16:53 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/?p=2764 I just had to steal this off Blog-a-holic’s post becuase it’s just awesome!

“Oughta Know Inbound Marketing”

By HubSpot’s Rebecca Corliss

If I make one more call
I might go punch a wall.
No one understands
That this doesn’t work.

They hang up cause I’m a creep.
The mail I send they don’t read.
They always find a way to
Ignore me.
I’m interrupting their lives
So they threaten me with knives.
I didn’t think that marketing was like torture.

Cause the calls, direct mail
TV ads, they all fail.
And they aren’t getting me anywhere. They don’t work.
No!
And every time I try to sell
‘Didja know that I’m told I should go to hell?
Then I cry. Then I cry.
And you wonder why.

I want leads
To come to me.
Fix our SEO
Get some inbound links.
RSS
Let’s get blogging.
Why don’t we just use inbound marketing?
You. You. You. Oughta know.

Get my page rank up.
Tag my content.
Fix my landing page.
Let them come to me.

Now I can blog I can tweet
Publish things you will read.
Won’t have to bug you in the middle of dinner.
Google me organically
Search results one two and three.
You need my products? Uh huh. Yeah you’ll find me.

Cause the calls, direct mail
TV ads, they all failed.
And they weren’t getting me anywhere. They don’t work.
No!
And every time I tried to sell
‘Didja know I was told I should go to hell.
Then I cried. Then I cried.
And you wondered why.

Now my leads
They come to me
Fixed our SEO
Got some inbound links
RSS
Now we’re blogging
Thank god now we use inbound marketing.
You. You. You. Oughta know.

Share

]]> http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/12/11/killer-combination-viral-seo/feed/ 12 The Website is Down http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/07/03/the-website-is-down/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/07/03/the-website-is-down/#comments Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:55:53 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/?p=1989 This has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages!

I’ve seen links to this floating around but hadn’t actually watched it yet, so thanks to Brendon for sending it my way.

There’s some amazing stuff on YouTube; you could literally spend the whole day surfing there and not get any work done at all. And there’s a universe of diverse content there, from baby’s first steps to women’s lingerie, from economics tutorials to crazy driving in the Isle of Man. Actually, here’s a really good one: Frozen Grand Central Station

Share

]]> http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/07/03/the-website-is-down/feed/ 0 Chocolate Bar Mashups http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/06/10/chocolate-bar-mashups/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/06/10/chocolate-bar-mashups/#comments Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:28:06 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/?p=1967 Anna, one of my work colleagues sent me these and I thought they were yummy enough to share. They should really go on my Joke Blog (in the spirit of thematic consistency), but I’m sure many of my geeky pals will appreciate the mash-up style humour ;)

image001 image002 image003 image004 image005 image006 image007 image008 image009 image010 image011

I don’t know if you can find any of those chocolate in the shops, but you can buy some candles, melt them down and make your own samples if you want *grin*

Share

]]> http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/06/10/chocolate-bar-mashups/feed/ 3 Long Tale TV – MEA Inquest http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/04/18/long-tail-tv-mea-inquest/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/04/18/long-tail-tv-mea-inquest/#comments Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:04:30 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/?p=728 Another great episode on Long Tale TV, the Isle of Man‘s only TV station. This one concerns some investigative reporting into the recent MEA overspend. Things are not always what they seem …

Share

]]> http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/04/18/long-tail-tv-mea-inquest/feed/ 0 BOFH and automatic doors http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/03/31/bofh-and-automatic-doors/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/03/31/bofh-and-automatic-doors/#comments Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:31:17 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/index.php/2008/03/31/bofh-and-automatic-doors/ I really enjoy reading TheRegister, but I particularly enjoy reading it when there’s a new episode of the BOFH (B*st*rd Operator From Hell). I’ve been following the series for many years now, reading about his electrocuting users, locking them up, hiding vital equipment in one of his travel trailers, poisoning them with laxatives, maiming different body parts and coming up with all mischievous ideas.

This month’s installment involves the BOFH and PFY getting to grips with a set of automatic doors and the havoc they cause. Read all about it, and you’ll never look at an automatic door the same way again.

Share

]]> http://www.u-g-h.com/2008/03/31/bofh-and-automatic-doors/feed/ 1 Star Trek Observations http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/04/10/star-trek-observations/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/04/10/star-trek-observations/#comments Tue, 10 Apr 2007 09:31:49 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/index.php/2007/04/10/star-trek-observations/
  • No one ever needs to use the toilet
  • No matter how advanced their computers are in the future the holo decks safety will always fail taking the crew on some new wacky adventure.
  • They are so advanced in the future that you can actually hear sound in space when shooting a photon torpedo at a ship.
  • On all federation ships the phaser banks are connected directly to the main computer system to enable the ship you are shooting at to send a “hacking tachion pulse” back up the phaser beam to take all the data from your databanks.
  • When a ship is attacked all control panels will explode killing all ensigns no one has seen before who are dressed in red.
  • Scotty always has something to complain about
  • No one ever gets one of the crew on their communicators when their busy taking a slash. “Oh hang on a moment bridge I’m a bit busy at the moment”
  • Even the smallest shuttles have gravity
  • If you leave a holo deck on long enough the characters will become sentient.
  • Ships always need two helmsmen to navigate them One for left and one for right?
  • Every time a new person beams down with them to a planet they are likely to be killed.
  • Any medical condition can be cured with a “torch”
  • When ever there is a disaster on the ship with many wounded people the ships doctor McCoy will always go with the captain on an away mission.
  • On a dangerous away mission the captain will always go down leaving the crew at the mercy of the second in command in The Old Generation.
  • All Klingon ships are filled with steam
  • Anyone can go back in the future by flying around the sun
  • Why doesn’t the federation create a holographic army?
  • What will Spock do if you stamp on his foot really hard?

    • Thanks to Rory for his insight ;)

    Share

    ]]>     http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/04/10/star-trek-observations/feed/ 1     A picture is worth a thousand words http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/02/09/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/02/09/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words/#comments Fri, 09 Feb 2007 10:28:18 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/?p=150 Came across this site today which has some amazing cartoons (actually I got the link from Seth Godin’s blog).

    It’s a blog by Jessica Hagy called Indexed which is based around her cartoons and scribbles. What I love is that they are really simple and extremely witty.

    Great fun and I love each and ever one of her cartoons.

    Subscribed!

    Share

    ]]>     http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/02/09/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words/feed/ 0     Fundamental Questions http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/01/31/fundamendatal-questions/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/01/31/fundamendatal-questions/#comments Wed, 31 Jan 2007 08:14:13 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/?p=104 Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
    Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery!’?
    Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
    Why is a boxing ring square?
    Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?
    Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
    Why is what doctors do called ‘practice’?
    Why is it rain drops, but snow falls?
    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
    Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

    Share

    ]]>     http://www.u-g-h.com/2007/01/31/fundamendatal-questions/feed/ 1     5 things you can do with old hard disks http://www.u-g-h.com/2006/12/15/5-things-you-can-do-with-old-hard-disks/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2006/12/15/5-things-you-can-do-with-old-hard-disks/#comments Fri, 15 Dec 2006 17:59:04 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/PermaLink,guid,0c290b64-48a3-4516-a050-2c7c535ea5a9.aspx Do you have a stack of all hard disks at work? You know, they work perfectly, but are only 5Gb in size so you can’t actually think of anything to do with them? Well, here’s some ideas to check out. My favourite is the “hard-disk dominoes” video. What’s yours ?

    Share

    ]]>     http://www.u-g-h.com/2006/12/15/5-things-you-can-do-with-old-hard-disks/feed/ 0     Summer classes for men http://www.u-g-h.com/2006/09/08/summer-classes-for-men/ http://www.u-g-h.com/2006/09/08/summer-classes-for-men/#comments Fri, 08 Sep 2006 10:30:07 +0000 Owen http://www.u-g-h.com/PermaLink,guid,8d3ca2f3-ad6a-433e-b90f-5349203af15d.aspx Andy sent me some information about Summer Classes for Men ..

    SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN

    AT THE

    “LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS”

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY
    Monday, August 31, 2006

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

    Class 1

    How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays — Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 2

    The Toilet Paper Roll — Does It Change Itself?
    Round Table Discussion.

    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00for 2 hours.

    Class 3

    Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bath ?

    Group Practice.

    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PMfor 2 hours.

    Class 4

    Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PMfor 3 weeks.

    Class 5

    After Dinner Dishes — Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
    Examples on Video.

    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    Class 6

    Loss Of Identity — Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.

    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7

    Learning How To Find Things — Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
    Open Forum    .
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8

    Health Watch — Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
    Graphics and Audio Tapes.

    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.

    Class 9

    Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
    Real Life Testimonials.

    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10

    Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
    Driving Simulations.

    4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11

    Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
    Online Classes and role-playing    .
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12

    How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
    Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques

    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 13

    How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries? and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.

    Class 14

    The Stove/Oven — What It Is and How It Is Used.
    Live Demonstration.

    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

    Maybe I should go … what do you think ?

    Share

    ]]>     http://www.u-g-h.com/2006/09/08/summer-classes-for-men/feed/ 0