All the way from MaltaGirl …
Rules of Computerdom
by Jim Woosley
- There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
- A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking
- The programmer’s national anthem is ‘AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!’.
- At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least
two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
- Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin
for “still doesn’t work.”
- Computer analyst to programmer: “You start coding. I’ll go find out what they want.”
- Computer Science: solving today’s problems tomorrow.
- Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
- Hit any user to continue.
- I wish life had an UNDO function.
- If your computer says, “Printer out of Paper,” this problem cannot be resolved by
continuously clicking the “OK” button.
- It said “Insert disk 3…” but only 2 fit in the drive.
- Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait
- 665.9238429876 – Number of the Pentium Beast
- I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating
soup with a knife.
- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
- Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
- “To know recursion, you must first know recursion”
- Life’s unfair – but root password helps!
- Mountain Dew and doughnuts… because breakfast is the most important meal of the
- Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
- “Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and
better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better
idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
- Intel: We put the “um…” in Pentium.
- Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says “Click…”, wait for the rest of the
- BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
- BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
- A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.
- Managing programmers is like herding cats.
- “There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for
a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks
to Usenet, we know this is not true.”
- “A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.”
- C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do,
it blows away your whole leg.
- A computer scientist is someone who, when told to “Go to H—,” sees the “go to,”
rather than the destination, as harmful.
- 1010011010 – The binary number of the Beast
- APATHY ERROR: Don’t bother striking any key. Application has reported a “Not My Fault”
in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
- “The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron,
a hardware type with a software patch and a user with an idea.”